稀稀:十年之后

今天,我的一只猫被宣布患上了绝症。传染性腹膜炎(FIP),死亡率100%。

他已经挣扎一星期了,从我还在墨西哥时发病,反复出入宠物医院。先是肾衰竭,然后心脏也出了毛病,从一肚子尿液抽到一肚子腹腔积液,病危通知书都下了两次,花了五千多块钱。

我回到家里赶紧去看他,瘦了太多,没有精神,但我抱着还会轻微打着呼噜。他是很少呼噜的,想必也有思念我吧。

不肯进食,最喜欢的妙鲜包也不碰了,每天要用针管稀释了强行喂下,时而屈从,时而挣扎。有时候半天没有喂完,妙鲜包倒是被另一只猫偷吃干净了。

今天上午又去复查,又查出一腹腔积水,医生翻了耳朵看了眼睛,终于确了诊。FIP的发病没有任何规律,无药可治,目前所有的治疗方案都只是以缓解痛苦为目的的,即使如此,也没有猫在患病后能活过1年。美国那边正在研制药物,但仍未上市,要买只能找私人买仿制药,即使是仿制药,也需要一天五六百的吃上两三个月。我苦笑,怎么把日子过成了《我不是药神》,莫非我要去走私猫药吗?巧的是,这药还真是靶向药。

医生最后还是说出,放弃吧,别救了,太痛苦了。

尽管查过FIP的资料就已经知道毫无希望,听到这句话时心还是抽痛了一下。毫无办法啊,我第一次感受到不管花多少钱,只要有一线希望就坚持治疗的心情,可是,实际上一线希望也没有。

我黯然地在blog上翻以前关于他的内容。自从2010年后我就不怎么写blog了,幸好,捡到它是2009年,那时候的照片、记录,都还在。

我看见自己在blog上宣布养了第二只猫: 其实养了好几个月了,一开始不敢在blog上说,是因为没有下决心养。

我看见同住两年后的光景: 他已经十三四斤,很大一只,在怀里沉甸甸,热乎乎,有一种幸福的充实感。

我看见读了《猎人们》后的感慨: 虽然不知道未来会如何,但只要你们在我身边一天,我便会全心全意好好的对你们。

我看见失而复得的喜悦: 再见!七月!稀稀回家啦!

我看见相濡以沫的幸福:也许养了八年,这就是我们的默契。我知道你在哪,你知道我要啥。

而和他的故事,很快就要划上句点了。

这个冬天,再也没有猫能和汪汪抱在一起取暖了。也不会再有猫重重的压在被子上,被我踹下床了。我甚至会想,去墨西哥的前一天,他在我床上狠狠尿的那一泡(他极少在床上尿),是在传达什么消息吗?

之前每一次离别只是送给别人养,而这一次是送回喵星,我所有的经验和阅历都难以应对这样的分别,不知道最后一刻,我会和他说些什么,如何面对他看我的眼神。

最后还是只能说:稀稀,我爱你。抱歉不能陪你走下一个十年。

107 thoughts on “稀稀:十年之后

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